29 September 2010
I can't hide the fact that I miss you.
And yet, you're the one who is pushing me to do this. It's crazy to think that one of the main reasons, among the many, is that I'm jealous. I'm jealous that you now weigh less than me. Granted, I still look better, cause you went the surgery route and now have all that extra ugly skin, but still, you weigh less. And that hurts. 208?! What the hell is wrong with me. I can't even get myself back down there. But I'm going to do it. I have to. This is going to be a competition. One that you don't even know is happening. I'm going to get down and dirty and rival your every step. It's time to get busy.
Where did that wagon go?
Once again, on this crazy road called "Life" I seem to have fallen off the wagon again. Again. I say it so nonchalantly. Roll this back a few months to May and I see that I had such ambition. And that Shape Up program did help. That is, until I started faking the steps in the computer and flaking on using calorie count. I had gotten down to 215 when I actually followed through on my plan and I was feeling better. Now: Current Weight: 224.0 lbs. A mere pound away from where I was when I started this blog. The worst part? I've since been to the doctor. Turns out not only has my unhealthy habits affected my looks and self-esteem, it's now affected my body too. This last visit to the doctor has provided some scary results. High cholesterol and low vitamin D. She told me to go on a "low cholesterol" diet, but who the heck knows what that means. Without guidelines or examples, I may as well start huffing and puffing away at digging my own grave.
Taking the first step is always hard. Working this desk job is kicking my butt. No sunlight, sitting at a desk in front of a computer surrounded by carpet covered walls for hours on end, working toward no great goal, only the promise that one day I'll get to do something I enjoy and not have to work just to pay the bills on a house I never should have bought in the first place because I couldn't afford it. (Wow, talk about a run-on sentence).
Well, today I took my measurements again and I'm setting out to try again. Fall is coming and we all know that the lack of sunlight works it's killer way on my emotions and brings the depression crawling back. I can feel it. My chest is heavy with anxiety. I'm oversleeping every chance I get. I'm lazily lounging on the couch when I should be out doing something fun or at least keeping some sort of track of my life. My house is a mess, my life is a mess and I need to do something about it instead of just sulking all the time.
Trying again. It's both frightening and exhausting. I took pictures of myself and how terrible it's become. To be posted later when I can find my adapter. I took approximate measurements as well. We'll see how it progresses. Again, I'm going to try to keep up with the caloriecount and posting here. Hopefully that will help.
Here are the opening measurements:
Weight: 224.0
Chest/Shoulder Area: 46
Bust: 49
Ribcage: 39
Waist: 48.25
Hips: 46.25
Thigh: 27.50
Calf: 16.50
Bicep: 13.25
Forearm: 10.25
Taking the first step is always hard. Working this desk job is kicking my butt. No sunlight, sitting at a desk in front of a computer surrounded by carpet covered walls for hours on end, working toward no great goal, only the promise that one day I'll get to do something I enjoy and not have to work just to pay the bills on a house I never should have bought in the first place because I couldn't afford it. (Wow, talk about a run-on sentence).
Well, today I took my measurements again and I'm setting out to try again. Fall is coming and we all know that the lack of sunlight works it's killer way on my emotions and brings the depression crawling back. I can feel it. My chest is heavy with anxiety. I'm oversleeping every chance I get. I'm lazily lounging on the couch when I should be out doing something fun or at least keeping some sort of track of my life. My house is a mess, my life is a mess and I need to do something about it instead of just sulking all the time.
Trying again. It's both frightening and exhausting. I took pictures of myself and how terrible it's become. To be posted later when I can find my adapter. I took approximate measurements as well. We'll see how it progresses. Again, I'm going to try to keep up with the caloriecount and posting here. Hopefully that will help.
Here are the opening measurements:
Weight: 224.0
Chest/Shoulder Area: 46
Bust: 49
Ribcage: 39
Waist: 48.25
Hips: 46.25
Thigh: 27.50
Calf: 16.50
Bicep: 13.25
Forearm: 10.25
22 April 2010
Calorie Count
I found this nifty site that will provide all kinds of statistics on the foods you eat and give you suggestions on how to get to your ultimate weight loss goals. We'll see how it helps. I'll be tracking my foods there and here as much as possible.
http://caloriecount.about.com/
Tools are never a bad thing.
http://caloriecount.about.com/
Tools are never a bad thing.
Today's Measurements & Food Log - 4/22/2010
Current Weight: 225.6 lbs
Today's Pedometer Steps: 3445 (9:30 PM)
Exercise for today: None
Foods consumed:
Breakfast:
1 banana (105 Calories, 3g Fiber, 0g Fat)
Lunch: Boston Market
1/4 White Chicken (320 Calories, 0g Fiber, 1g Fat)
1 serving Macaroni and Cheese (300 Calories, 2g Fiber, 11g Fat)
1 serving Green Beans (60 Calories, 3g Fiber, 3.5g Fat)
1 piece Cornbread (180 Calories, 0g Fiber, 5g Fat)
32 oz Sweetened Green Tea (340 Calories, 0g Fiber, 0g Fat)
Dinner:
1 Swanson Turkey Pot Pie (370 Calories, 20g Fiber, 3g Fat)
1/2 C. Cottage Cheese (120 Calories, 0g Fiber, 5g Fat)
4 green olives (25 Calories, 0g Fiber, 2.5g Fat)
1 can of Sprite (96 Calories, 0g Fiber, 0g Fat)
Dessert:
1 medium Hawaiian Blizzard (600 Calories, 3g Fiber, 21g Fat)
Today's Pedometer Steps: 3445 (9:30 PM)
Exercise for today: None
Foods consumed:
Breakfast:
1 banana (105 Calories, 3g Fiber, 0g Fat)
Lunch: Boston Market
1/4 White Chicken (320 Calories, 0g Fiber, 1g Fat)
1 serving Macaroni and Cheese (300 Calories, 2g Fiber, 11g Fat)
1 serving Green Beans (60 Calories, 3g Fiber, 3.5g Fat)
1 piece Cornbread (180 Calories, 0g Fiber, 5g Fat)
32 oz Sweetened Green Tea (340 Calories, 0g Fiber, 0g Fat)
Dinner:
1 Swanson Turkey Pot Pie (370 Calories, 20g Fiber, 3g Fat)
1/2 C. Cottage Cheese (120 Calories, 0g Fiber, 5g Fat)
4 green olives (25 Calories, 0g Fiber, 2.5g Fat)
1 can of Sprite (96 Calories, 0g Fiber, 0g Fat)
Dessert:
1 medium Hawaiian Blizzard (600 Calories, 3g Fiber, 21g Fat)
Shape Up HP
Just when I had this epiphany of motivation to want to make my life better by losing weight (or should I say, hit my all time low in self-esteem & general healthiness and all time high in weight), a beam of yellow light seemed to have poked it's head through to help me out. The Monday after my epiphany, I received an email at work talking of a new wellness initiative called Shape Up HP. It was a chance to be on a team and challenge others in the company on 3 different sets of challenges, weight loss, pedometer steps and minutes exercising. It's as if a higher power knew of my plans and said, let's give her a gentle nudge in the right directions with some help and motivation. Plus, they were facilitating all of it online and providing everyone with a free pedometer. On top of that, on completion of the 12 week challenge, you receive a $100 gift code to Amazon.com. Either way, I stand to gain at least something out of the program - a healthier me or a $100 gift card! And even more so, on top of that, if I created my own team, it would serve in multiple ways to show my leadership abilities and keep me motivated toward my goals by having responsibility to others. Seems like it's a win-win-win for me, myself and I. So I did it. I created a team, sent a call out for AsM team members to join and copied the leadership. I got 6 members (including me) on my team and a nod from my manager's manager. I also have tons of plans on how to keep people motivated and interested. I'm very excited about this opportunity. The contests start int he beginning of May and I received my pedometer in the mail. I'm going to be taking some initial readings this week. From now on, I will be trying to track my steps, exercise and weight loss daily here (if not, then weekly). I'm also going to try to track my food intake as well so I can get a handle on what I'm eating and see where I can improve on that as well. Here's hoping!
Well here I am...
It's hard to be believe it, but this was me... just about 10 years ago...
Well here I am now. 26 years old and I feel like a tired, old lady, ready to throw in the towel. Where did I go wrong? 5'4 and 226 pounds. I've always been on the larger size. My frame has always been large. But I've never hit such a low in my short 26 years before. Where did all this excess come from? The flabs of skin, the big gut, the shapeless behind. Not to mention all the physical side affects... The asthma. The inability to walk a short distance without feeling winded. The back pain. The drop in self-esteem. The insatiable appetite. The acne. The disappointment when trying on clothes. The lack of wanting to be seen out in public. The dread of getting up in the morning to have to find an outfit that doesn't give you a complex about a "muffin top". The knowing that nothing fits like it used to.
It's crazy to think that just a year ago I was in that boot camp, working hard and losing so much - inches, weight, inhibitions. It felt so good to hear, "Wow, you're looking good! Have you lost weight?" or to feel all your clothes slowly starting to hang off of you because they're just a bit too big or to be in that dressing room trying on a size 16 wedding dress knowing that with a little more work - you could be in that 14 by the wedding. I got down to 199 lbs - lost 20 lbs total in my pursuit - and wow did it feel different, did it feel good. That trip down weight loss lane didn't last long. I couldn't afford the boot camp any longer. The seamstress wanted me to order a larger size to "accommodate my large chest," but I really think it was more that she wanted to make more money. I begrudgingly did it, as upset as I was - ordered a size 20. It arrived about 3 sizes too big. I wish I would have ordered the size in the above picture which looked great. I was so stressed out about buying a house and planning a wedding that while the weight didn't start piling back on (probably because of the stress), I didn't lose any more either. By the wedding, I was fluctuating around 200 lbs and still not feeling as self-confident as a girl should on her wedding day. Everyone did me the favor of saying how beautiful I looked in my dress and on the day of, I believed it. But looking at the pictures afterward, I was more than disappointed.
After the honeymoon, it got worse. I gained about 5 lbs back during the honeymoon and then over the last 8 months, I've gained everything I had originally lost plus some. So now's the time to fight back against myself. I've developed some bad habits and have become sedentary in my life style. It's time to take action. It's time to take back the Shauna you see at the beginning. The fun-loving, care-free and confident girl that is hiding behind all this fat and shame.
I'll be using this blog to mark my steps toward progress.
Well here I am now. 26 years old and I feel like a tired, old lady, ready to throw in the towel. Where did I go wrong? 5'4 and 226 pounds. I've always been on the larger size. My frame has always been large. But I've never hit such a low in my short 26 years before. Where did all this excess come from? The flabs of skin, the big gut, the shapeless behind. Not to mention all the physical side affects... The asthma. The inability to walk a short distance without feeling winded. The back pain. The drop in self-esteem. The insatiable appetite. The acne. The disappointment when trying on clothes. The lack of wanting to be seen out in public. The dread of getting up in the morning to have to find an outfit that doesn't give you a complex about a "muffin top". The knowing that nothing fits like it used to.
It's crazy to think that just a year ago I was in that boot camp, working hard and losing so much - inches, weight, inhibitions. It felt so good to hear, "Wow, you're looking good! Have you lost weight?" or to feel all your clothes slowly starting to hang off of you because they're just a bit too big or to be in that dressing room trying on a size 16 wedding dress knowing that with a little more work - you could be in that 14 by the wedding. I got down to 199 lbs - lost 20 lbs total in my pursuit - and wow did it feel different, did it feel good. That trip down weight loss lane didn't last long. I couldn't afford the boot camp any longer. The seamstress wanted me to order a larger size to "accommodate my large chest," but I really think it was more that she wanted to make more money. I begrudgingly did it, as upset as I was - ordered a size 20. It arrived about 3 sizes too big. I wish I would have ordered the size in the above picture which looked great. I was so stressed out about buying a house and planning a wedding that while the weight didn't start piling back on (probably because of the stress), I didn't lose any more either. By the wedding, I was fluctuating around 200 lbs and still not feeling as self-confident as a girl should on her wedding day. Everyone did me the favor of saying how beautiful I looked in my dress and on the day of, I believed it. But looking at the pictures afterward, I was more than disappointed.
After the honeymoon, it got worse. I gained about 5 lbs back during the honeymoon and then over the last 8 months, I've gained everything I had originally lost plus some. So now's the time to fight back against myself. I've developed some bad habits and have become sedentary in my life style. It's time to take action. It's time to take back the Shauna you see at the beginning. The fun-loving, care-free and confident girl that is hiding behind all this fat and shame.
I'll be using this blog to mark my steps toward progress.
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